Emotional power

We all face moments when it feels like we’re giving our all, yet still not getting the results we expect. Whether it’s in our family, work, or personal relationships, sometimes it seems like our efforts go unnoticed. But what truly makes the difference isn’t just what we do outwardly — it’s how we manage our inner world: our emotional power.

Emotional power is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage our emotions in a way that works for us, not against us. And most importantly: it’s a resource we all possess — men and women alike — though we often leave it dormant.

Building starts within ourselves

Creating a fulfilling life doesn’t mean carrying everything on our shoulders or sacrificing ourselves to the point of forgetting who we are. It means establishing a foundation of respect, clarity, and communication. And that construction starts within.

If we don’t know what we want or need, it becomes impossible to ask for it — or to guide our relationships toward a healthy place. Many times, we expect others to guess how we feel, but no one can read our minds.

A real-life example:

• A woman I worked with in therapy felt frustrated because her partner wasn’t giving her quality time. Yet, she never said it out loud — she just hoped he would figure it out on his own.

• On the other side, a man told me he felt exhausted at work because no one seemed to value what he did. But he had never talked to his boss about what he needed to grow, nor had he sought out new learning opportunities.

In both cases, the lack of clear communication and the fear of expressing needs were damaging their well-being.

Communicating with respect — not imposition

We all fall into two extremes sometimes: either we stay silent about how we feel, or we express it in a way that hurts the other person. Neither approach works. The balance lies in speaking with respect, but with firmness.

Imagine these two scenes:

• A man comes home and says to his partner: “You never help me. I have to do everything myself.” That sentence only creates defensiveness and distance.

• Now imagine he says: “I would feel more supported if we could share these tasks. It would be a big relief for me.” That completely changes the tone of the conversation.

The same applies in reverse. When a woman says at work, “Nobody here values me,” she’s generalizing and closing doors. But if she says, “I’d love to be part of this project because I believe I can contribute,” she’s opening herself to new opportunities.

Science backs this up: Research by the American Heart Association shows that positive communication triggers the release of oxytocin, the so-called "trust hormone," which strengthens bonds in all types of relationships.

The importance of intimacy and connection

Intimacy isn’t just physical — it’s also emotional and spiritual. Men and women alike need to feel heard, valued, and supported.

In therapy, I remember a couple who came to me because they felt they had lost their spark. Over the years, between kids, work, and stress, they had stopped dedicating time to each other. All it took was committing to one hour a week with no distractions, just talking — and they began to reconnect in a way they hadn’t experienced in a long time.

Studies from the Journal of Marriage and Family show that couples who prioritize emotional connection and intimacy report greater satisfaction, even during high-stress periods.

Self-care: no one can do it for you

One thing I often repeat is this: we can’t expect others to value us if we don’t value ourselves first.

Another real-life example:

• A man felt his friends didn’t respect him. But when we dug deeper, we realized he never set boundaries — he always said "yes" even when he didn’t want to.

• A woman was constantly exhausted because she always prioritized everyone else’s needs over her own. When she started saying, “Today I need some time for myself,” she noticed how others began to treat her differently.

Self-care isn’t selfish — it’s sending a clear message to the world that you know your worth.

The responsibility of our lives: no one else is the villain or the savior

Let’s pause here, because this is key: no one else is responsible for your happiness — or your unhappiness. Both are the result of your own decisions and actions.

The sooner we accept this, the sooner things begin to change.

We can’t expect different results if we keep accepting the same, doing the same, and surrounding ourselves with the same people who keep us stuck in repetitive cycles.

• We want a better job, but we don’t learn new skills.

• We want a healthy body, but we keep eating as if it doesn’t matter.

• We want financial stability, but every penny disappears because we don’t plan or save.

• We want healthy relationships, but we keep choosing the same kind of partners who hurt us.

It’s not bad luck — it’s lack of action.

Taking responsibility means understanding that we have the power to choose differently. If we change our habits, thoughts, and environment, we get closer to the life we want — and deserve.

As psychologist Albert Ellis said: “It’s not the events themselves that disturb us, but how we interpret them and what we do about them.” And Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl wrote: “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose.”

That space is our emotional power. It’s there that we decide whether to keep complaining — or start acting.

Let’s reflect together

Emotional power is not about controlling others or repressing what we feel. It’s about knowing ourselves, speaking with respect, taking responsibility, and building from a place of self-love.

People who achieve greater well-being have these three things clear:

• They acknowledge what they feel and express it without fear.

• They practice self-care as a non-negotiable priority.

• They own their lives without blaming others.

Remember: Life doesn’t change through complaints or empty wishes. It changes through new decisions and new actions.

Because in the end, the power to transform your life lies within you. And the sooner you accept that, the sooner you’ll be walking toward the life you truly want — and deserve.

—Lic. Arlenys Garcia