Feminine or Feminist

In recent decades, feminism has driven much-needed social change, achieving significant advances in women’s rights, opportunities, and visibility. Yet, as the movement has evolved, new interpretations have also emerged—sometimes creating confusion and leading us to forget that equality does not mean giving up our feminine nature or trying to become the “man of the house.”

In couple’s therapy, I often hear phrases like: “I can do it all by myself, I don’t need anyone” or “I’m not going to let him make the important decisions.” While independence is valuable, family psychology—as Salvador Minuchin’s research on family structure explains—reminds us that couples and families thrive when complementary roles are respected. Breaking them without conscious agreement can create unnecessary tension and competition.

The Nature and Joy of Roles

Femininity is not the same as weakness, just as masculinity is not the same as aggression. From a biological and psychological perspective, each gender has natural inclinations: women tend toward care, empathy, and emotional communication, while men lean toward provision, protection, and direct action. This is not an absolute rule, but a pattern often observed in evolutionary psychology (Buss, 2019).

Within the family, these differences enrich rather than compete. A mother who finds fulfillment in raising children and organizing the home is not “trapped” by a role—she is embracing a meaningful part of her nature. Likewise, a father who provides and guides is not simply performing a duty; he is also living out his natural role.

Feminism with Balance: Equality Without Erasure

We can embrace feminism—defending equal opportunities and mutual respect—without invalidating our partner or turning the relationship into a constant power struggle over who is in charge. Clinical psychologist Meg Meeker, in her book Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters, points out that children grow up more confident when they see both parents honoring their roles with mutual respect and admiration.

This balance involves:

• Not competing for leadership. Instead of arguing over “who wears the pants,” recognize that leadership can shift depending on the situation—sometimes one leads, sometimes the other.

• Valuing natural strengths. If one partner is more skilled in a particular area, allow them to take the lead without seeing it as a threat.

• Sharing decisions. Equality does not mean sameness—it means decisions are made with mutual respect and consensus.

Examples of a Feminism That Strengthens the Family

• A woman who thrives in her career, but still values and welcomes her husband’s role as protector and provider without feeling diminished.

• A marriage where he helps with household tasks and she participates in financial decisions, with both recognizing and appreciating each other’s contributions.

• A couple raising their children with shared responsibility, teaching them that men and women are different but equally valuable.

In Conclusion…

True freedom does not mean rejecting our nature; it means consciously choosing how to live it. Being feminine does not make us less capable, and being feminist should not distance us from our essence or from harmony in our relationships.

Within the family, roles are not chains—they are structures that, when understood correctly, provide stability and security. We can defend our rights without competing against our partner, recognizing that mutual respect and valuing our differences are the foundation of a healthy home and lasting relationships.

—Lic. Arlenys García